Diablo 4 is devilishly addictive, whether you're already playing in Early Access or are waiting for the full release, it's the start of another work week and you may be in turmoil wondering how you are going to get those hours of grind in.
If you didn't take the big brain route and already book time off work, do not fear, we've got 6 bonafide foolproof ways to get you out of adulting and hopefully still have a job at the end of the campaign.
You have to attend a family reunion
Call your boss and tell them your gripping tale of a long-lost family. You've always wondered about your true ancestry, but you never expected to receive a letter from a mysterious sender claiming to be your distant cousin.
The letter has invited you to a family reunion in a faraway place called Sanctuary, which also happens to be a hidden world from the realms of Angels and Demons. You don't need to get on a plane to visit this mysterious place, simply hop in a portal. You're curious, what if this letter is a trap? One of those bitcoin scams? You're not sure but you must go, you must find out the truth. You need some time off work.
When you return from your journey, your manager will be enthralled by tales of your adventures with your distant Uncle Lorath. He and your cousins have been fighting against the forces of evil for centuries, and what's more, you found out you are a descendant of the Nephalem. A powerful offspring of angels and demons that once inhabited Earth. You didn't believe Uncle Lorath at first but the Ancestry DNA test you took confirmed you are at least 40% angelic, 40% demonic, and 20% Norwegian.
Your bloodline has been diluted over time, but you still possess a spark of your ancestor's potential. If your boss gave you more paid time off work perhaps you could develop your skills?
You've been infected with the plague
You've been feeling a bit unwell lately, but you just thought it was a common cold so you soldiered on and worked your shifts diligently. After visiting your local shaman though it seems you've been infected with the Plague runeword from Diablo 2. It allows you to cast Poison Nova and lower resistance on your enemies, but unfortunately makes you vulnerable to poison yourself. It has corrupted your body and soul.
You don't know how this happened, but it was probably during your last visit to the Pandemonium Fortress, where you found a strange sword that called out to you. You thought this might be a valuable treasure and felt a surge of energy as you lifted it, but now you're coughing up green gas.
You've been slowly getting sicker since you found this sword, but you can't seem to cast it away. You can't drop it, sell it or salvage it. You even tried the Blizzard helpdesk, but they've told you the sword is forever account bound and cannot be deleted.
This plague is making you irritable, you're starting to lose your sanity. You've already alienated your friends and family with your noxious aura, you don't want this plague to spread to your coworkers. You need some time off work.
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You've been summoned by Lilith to join her army of darkness
Your employer is legally required* to give you time off to play #DiabloIV if you give them this note.*Demon Law, Not Human Law pic.twitter.com/u9A5eARXgDJune 4, 2023
Inspired by this helpful note from the official Diablo Twitter, you could just forward this totally legitmate note to your employer requesting time off for the forseeable. Totally paid of course, being summoned to Lilith's side is basically conscription and out of your control. Walter in Finance got time off for Jury Service recently, this is no different.
You have no choice; Lilith has marked you with her blood. You can feel her power over you, her voice in your head commanding you to obey her. Commanding you to play Diablo 4. You must join the army of darkness, hell won't wait.
You've won a free trip to Tristram
You've won a free trip to Tristram, the most exotic and unforgettable edestination in all of Sanctuary. Tristram is a small, humble town with a rich history and culture. It was once the capital of Khanduras, and the site of many epic battles between the forces of good and evil. It is also the home of the legendary Horadric monastery, where the Lord of Terror himself was imprisoned for centuries. You can't pass up this opportunity.
There's so much to see in Tristram, from the fields of violent cows that all the locals seem to deny exist, to the local tavern, where Deckard Cain starts his guided tours and invites you to Stay awhile and listen... for only $19.99 an hour and you get a gift bag containing a Wirt's Leg.
You have to take care of your pets
You have to take care of your pets. They aren't just any pets, they're rare and exotic creatures you have acquired from your travels across Sanctuary. Ferrets, chickens, spider queens and such. Not only that but you've just adopted a treasure goblin and it's turned out to be quite the demanding critter.
The treasure goblin steals and loots anything that sparkles, and you need to keep it from robbing your poor neighbors in the dead of night. He likes to collect gold and gems and keep them in his sack, constantly trying to run away into his portal.
The only way you can keep him under control is constant attention, food, water and cuddles, but he does have a mischievous tendency to pickpocket you when you are spending quality time. You don't want to neglect this new pet though, you need time off to train him properly, and teach him that stealing is wrong.
You have to call in dead
If none of these reasons is convincing your boss of your desperate need of time off to play Diablo 4, you're going to have to do more than just call in sick. You're going to have to call in dead.
You've been killed by a rogue in PvP and it's going to take you some time to resurrect yourself and gather your power again. You were playing in hardcore, and your character has gone forever.
You've been playing Diablo 4 non-stop and have become addicted to the thrill of taking down other players, but now you have paid the price. One of those Twisted Blades rogues took you down. You must find them, they must pay.
At least you were conscientious enough to call your boss from the Other Side though, you aren't coming to work today, you are dead. You need some time to rest in peace, you hope he will understand and not fire you. Afterall, you need the money for those super cool cosmetics in the Diablo 4 store.
You hang up the phone and return to Diablo 4. You create a new character and enter the world of Sanctuary. You are ready for a new adventure, and a new challenge. You are ready to play Diablo 4 and live again. And nothing will stop you.
Not even your boss.
